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Something Suzzanne

is a lifestyle blog for women.

We cover topics on self-care, life transitions, relationships, and seeking a better life for us and those we love.

 

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The Reality of Our Need to Compare


I caress my coffee 
in both hands 
as steam rises, 
dusting over my face with 
pleasure aromas of nutty and chocolate note. 
In the early afternoon, 
with morning hair 
and Snoopy pajamas that have worn thin from love, 
I flip through Facebook posts
 as if drawn to the reveal of something unexpected. 
Wow, lives so full; 
friendships, 
children, 
celebrations, 
blurred photos 
of little girls in floral dresses 
that lift and touch extended arms 
as shiny patent leather shoes 
whirl in circular motion. 
Little boys with mischievous eyes 
and crooked tie, 
laughter and smiles 
shoring the perimeter of tables 
boasting heavy with food and drink 
and red wine stain on linens of white. 
Oh, the envy of exotic places, 
sun tanned bodies 
and little umbrella drinks.


I sip my coffee 
which has grown as cold 
as my longing has grown large, 
and I allow heaviness to befall me. My pages seem insignificant…
children grown and 
pursuing dreams of their own - 
gone are my pages a mother proudly boasts.
 A new home in a new town 
assures room for adventure, 
but friendships fresh and shallow 
are busy with friends of treasured pasts. 
My skin of paper white boasts goosebumps of cold 
and the umbrella I hold 
shelters me from rain. 
My life feels empty 
in comparison to theirs. Sigh.


And then I ask myself, Why do I compare? 
I did not awake to this despair; 
in fact, I enjoyed my lazy morning. 
My spirit is rich with joy 
and song lifts quickly from my lips. 
I have known the toothless smiles of children, 
large family gatherings, 
and vacations far away. 
My today’s are different than the times once lived, 
but certainly 
not less.

Perhaps I should be grateful 
for a season such as this? 
Perhaps, just perhaps, 
I’m not the only one who wonders 
while sitting in Snoopy Jammie’s on a cloudy day.

~sf

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#lifeLeaning