I talk with my sister almost everyday. I confess, there have been times when anger masking the hurt of an unintentional - and at times, an intentional act - has broken the lovely cadence of our relationship and our daily chats; but, geeeeze, we’re sisters! Luckily for us, we always seek, and succeed at finding our way back to center.
At the end of our call yesterday, my sister shared that she was going to start a journal to record the memories of her childhood. I was very excited for her, and with my big sister heart, I immediately wanted to recount how I remembered her as a child.
During breaks in my day I started to record an outline of my memories. Moment after moment I found myself smiling as I recalled this free-spirited little girl that I envied in my youth. Not wanting to rob the joy of her own self-reflection, I decided to hold my recollections for a time that is right for her. But, in the meanwhile I could not help but reflect on my own learning surfaced by this exploration.
Digging deep into my memories and feelings about my siblings (brother and sister), I realized that I felt a profound gratefulness, and a slight sense of shame. With our parents long gone, my siblings were my cornerstones; the two people who have walked with me and witnessed my life from beginning to end. They know the best of me, and yes, the worst of me…they love and accept me. Amazing! Little did my parents know when the idea of a baby gleaned in their eyes, fifty years into the future, that dream would be one of the greatest gifts they gave to us, their children.
And then, there is the shame. Ugh! How many times have I allowed petty differences or hurts to take from us, moments, laughter, comfort, and memories? Too many times, I’m sure. Perhaps it’s not so much shame, as life is about constant growth; but maybe a feeling of regret.
Life is ultimately about choosing love or choosing fear. My siblings; the historians and my guiding lights to dreams not yet birthed have proven their love over and over again. How can I then choose fear? Moving forward, we cannot - I will not - allow anger derived of ego and fear of being rejected, offended, or not heard to take from us the love we share….to steal, our moments yet to come. It is my decision to cherish these two amazing people, to live in love and grace, and to give them the benefit of the doubt…even when I think (or know) I am right!
Stolen moments are far more valuable than any pride or pity I may allow myself. I am far from perfect, and I may need to be reminded of this promise from time to time, but that’s what sisters are for. Right?!
Nostalgia? Perhaps. But, I prefer to think it as wisdom blessed of a seasoned life….and really amazing siblings.
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